Pause to Power: How to Stop an Emotional Hijack and Regulate to Transform Leadership
- Cassandra Rambo
- Apr 16
- 3 min read
Updated: 12 hours ago
The first time I was introduced to "pause before you react" wasn't in grade school like my kiddo. It was in 2020 during a coaching training program with iPEC—and it challenged everything I knew.
Growing up in a household where "shout first, apologize later" was the norm, I learned early that loud voices carried influence. The squeaky wheel truly got the grease. I initially dismissed the concept of pausing before reacting.
Why would that matter?
It matters because of our neurobiology. And the science is fascinating.
The Three-Brain Reality
In my workshops on emotional architecture, we begin by grounding ourselves in the three-brain model that shapes every workplace interaction:
Your Limbic System – The reactive brain that activates first, often called your "emotional brain"
Your Nervous System – Beginning with your brain stem, sending signals throughout your body (explaining why your heart races before you've even consciously processed a situation)
Your Prefrontal Cortex – The reflective "executive" brain where rational thought emerges—but only after the other systems have already fired
This isn't just theoretical—it's transformative for leadership.
Studies show that 85% of financial success is attributed to "human engineering" skills including emotional intelligence. Companies prioritizing emotional intelligence are 22 times more likely to be high-performing. Another study found that people demonstrating high emotional intelligence earn approximately $29,000 more annually than their counterparts.
That's all great! Who doesn't want higher performance and an increased salary?
But what do you do when you're in emotional hijack?
The 90-Second Opportunity: Stopping an Emotional Hijack
Emotional hijack is defined as a situation where your emotions overwhelm your rational thinking and decision-making abilities.
Neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor revealed that the chemical surge of an emotion physically flushes through your body in about 90 seconds. After that, any continued emotional response is your brain choosing to maintain that circuit.
This knowledge gives us a practical timeframe for emotional regulation. Just 90 seconds to:
Recognize the emotional hijack occurring
Allow the physical response to move through you
Access your prefrontal cortex for a strategic response
Consider how this applies to common workplace triggers:
Receiving critical feedback
Facing conflict in meetings
Encountering unexpected problems
The same neurological pathways activate in each scenario. The difference between reactive leaders and transformative ones? Understanding this process and leveraging those crucial 90 seconds.
Effective 90-Second Techniques for Emotional Regulation
Here are research-backed techniques you can use during those critical 90 seconds to help manage emotional intensity and expression in the moment:
Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. This pattern activates your parasympathetic nervous system and quickly reduces stress hormones.
Physical Redirection: Place both feet firmly on the ground, feel the sensation of gravity, and notice five things you can see in your environment. This technique, based on grounding, helps shift brain activity from the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex.
Label the Emotion: Simply naming what you're feeling ("I'm feeling frustrated") reduces amygdala activity by up to 30% according to neuroscience research.
The 6-Second Rule: Research shows holding a deep breath for 6 seconds disrupts the emotional response cycle and provides enough time for the cognitive centers to come back online.
Hand-on-Heart: Place your hand on your chest and focus on the physical sensation. This self-soothing gesture triggers oxytocin release and helps counter stress hormones.
From Theory to Practice
I'm incredibly encouraged by how neuroscience is now featured prominently in change management, conflict resolution, and leadership development. What was once dismissed as "soft skills" is now backed by hard science.
The data speaks volumes: employee engagement reaches 76% under highly empathic leaders versus just 32% with less empathic leadership. This isn't just about feeling good—it's about organizational performance.
By understanding our neurobiology, we transform setbacks into opportunities, reactions into responses, and conventional leadership into something truly exceptional.
What workplace triggers have you noticed activating your limbic system? And how might understanding that 90-second rule transform your next challenging interaction?
Ready to reclaim your 90 seconds?
Emotional intelligence isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. The next time you feel your pulse rise, remember: those 90 seconds are yours. Use them to shift from reactivity to intention, from noise to clarity, from emotional hijack to empowered leadership.
Want to dive deeper into how we choose our emotions—even in the heat of the moment? Explore this story about road rage, awareness, and emotional agency—it just might shift how you show up at work (and in life).
Visit Alpstra to learn more about our leadership and corporate training services.
Let’s start transforming the way we lead, one pause at a time.
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